office space, part deux

The Office Space saga continues, I can't believe this is really happening. I actually have a meeting tomorrow with The Bobs!!!
"The purpose of the Focus Group will be to allow you to provide input on a number of topics that include your work environment, the overall direction of the Division, and the overall direction of the Agency. Your participation is a critical component in establishing open communication channels to understand employee issues and concerns. The sessions will be facilitated by Bob One and Bob Two of Deliotte Consulting and there is no advance preparation required. We look forward to your parcipation."
I wonder if I'm going to have to justify my job?

played like a sucka

I guess I was overdue for a bit of boy drama. Before this past Saturday night it had been approximately seven months since I had any sort of male physical contact. I made plans with a male friend of mine who I have had a crush on (off & on) for the past four years. We get along great, have a lot of fun together and are obviously attracted to each other. Long story short, we ended up on my couch watching a movie and he finally put the moves on me. No, we didn’t do the nasty but he did spend the night…in my bed. The next morning we had coffee in bed which was very sweet. I made him breakfast and while I was scrambling the eggs he started telling me about some eighteen year old girl who likes him. Say what? That’s just rude! If I’m making you breakfast in my PJs, please don’t have the audacity to talk to me about some other chick. A little common courtesy would be much appreciated. I knew something was off so I text messaged him later in the day: “So do you make out with all your girlfriends when you’re feeling lonely?” His response: “Yes.” Good to know. I can tell you the make-out-session-out-of-convenience/desperation will not be happening again! I stopped doing that crap when I quit drinking. I sure do feel like a chump.

too funny

More from the eighteen-year-old kid:
Date: Monday, April 16, 2007 1:22 PM
Subject: hey
Message: hey just saw some of ur pics and wow ur sexy as hell...nice body girl so ur sexy ass got aim or msn?

I could have given birth to this kid.

the male privilege checklist

Food for thought.

cat trick

Rufus rules, just watch the video evidence, sorry the quality is so crappy, I'm just learning how to use this thing:

wtn, pt. 3

It just keeps getting better and better! You'll notice they have added a dish, an overturned loveseat (in front of the couch) and a desk in the carport. It's times like this a neighborhood association would come in handy!

the killers

My sister and I went to see The Killers on Friday night and it was AWESOME!!! I am not a fan of "Sam's Town" but "Hot Fuss" is fantastic. I think we may have gotten a contact high from inhaling all the second hand skunk weed smoke! It was also fun when the 17-year-old boy asked me ("ma'am?") what song was playing because I was mouthing the words to "Running up that Hill" (shit I love that song!)

Let's see, I was thirteen when that song came out, he was negative five. There was also a drunk girl bingeing on popcorn, that was an interesting spectacle.

But the music was awesome and Brandon Flowers is a total hottie.

Free the West Memphis Three

My sister and I recently watched the two Paradise Lost documentaries about three teenagers who were convicted in 1994 of murdering three little boys. There was no physical evidence linking them to the crimes; in fact there was more evidence pointing to the stepfather of one of the boys. I felt very moved by this story, it really made me question my beliefs about our justice system and capital punishment. It is truly terrifying to think that a person can be sentenced to death for being a goth or a metalhead or for practicing Wicca. If that's the case then I and most people I know are at serious risk.

I just got this message on Friendster from an EIGHTEEN year old boy:
Subject: wow
Message: wow no way ur as old as u say in ur profile...u look amazing...sexy as hell
ps nice profile pic

HILARIOUS!!!

interesting article

If you're mentally ill like I am and you chronically quit your meds, you may be interested in this article.

white trash neighbor, part deux

Not to be outdone by the Couch On The Patio, may I present to you the White Trash Above Ground Pool that makes its appearance every spring. Beautiful!

Rufus, R.I.P.

Last night I made the very sad and horrible decision to euthanize my beloved cat Rufus. Thankfully my mom and my sister were there with me. As some of you know he has been struggling with various health problems for the past couple of years. First he was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism, then liver disease, then Hypertrophic cardiomyopathy (enlarged heart) and finally kidney disease. He was very ill twice last year and somehow miraculously pulled through both times. Unfortunately this week he was just too sick. I did everything I could to save him including acupuncture, Chinese herbs, syringe feeding, subcutaneous fluids and tube feeding but he continued to get worse, not better. I decided that he didn't need to suffer any longer and I really believe Rufus made the decision for me.

Rufus has been my very special companion for over twelve years, I have never known a cat like him. He really thought he was a dog, I even called him "Puppy-Kitty." He would even sit for a treat, thankfully I captured it on video before he got ill. My friend Mary said that even though she doesn't believe in reincarnation, she thinks Rufus will come back as a dog.

Please say a little prayer that his little Puppy-Kitty spirit is being taken care of.

My Life in Office Space

There is going to be a "Bob" infiltrating our organization. Rumor has it they're paying him $250k...about $125 an hour. That is a QUARTER OF A MILLION DOLLARS people. Yes, that was me e-yelling. Oh yes and did I mention they created three new division and posted three new division manager positions, with pay ranges up to $100k per year ($50 an hour)? Meanwhile they can't seem to find the money to hire one measly receptionist for our very large division. Guess who is still covering the front desk. Fucking Lovely.

"To help us with these changes, we have brought Mr. R from Deloitte Consulting on board as our Change Management Strategist. Mr. R has a tremendous amount of experience, with over 30 years in process improvement and change management, in both the private and public sector. His role will be to monitor our projects, identify any changes those projects will bring about and help us prepare and work through them [i.e. 'cutting expenses by downsizing and outsourcing']. Mr. R will be with us for 12 months.

We all know some innovations are small: like new letterhead [you mean 9.45 mb letterhead that you outsourced?]; others a little bigger, such as new policies. All these changes impact the great people in this agency. Mr. R's role will be to help us all during these initiatives. He will be meeting with people to learn about our agency and how it operates so that he can give us the best advice possible."

white trash neighbor

So this is what I see when I look out my front window or walk out my front door. Ain't it purty?

celiac disease

I have just been diagnosed with celiac disease: "What Happens With Celiac Disease: When individuals with CD ingest gluten, the villi, tiny hair-like projections in the small intestine that absorb nutrients from food, are damaged. This is due to an immunological reaction to gluten. Damaged villi do not effectively absorb basic nutrients -- proteins, carbohydrates, fats, vitamins, minerals, and, in some cases, water and bile salts. If CD is left untreated, damage to the small bowel can be chronic and life threatening, causing an increased risk of associated disorders -- both nutritional and immune related."
This is the third time in less than five years that I have been diagnosed with a serious, chronic illness for which there is no cure and that requires a lifetime of vigilant maintenance. I feel just like I did when I first got sober: sad, angry, lonely, grief-stricken, afraid...it feels so unfair because I feel as though I have already given up so much.
I have always been the odd one out, and now I have evn one more strike against me. Excuse me while I feel sorry for myself.

I like being threatened with immediate termination

Q: I like to surf the Internet throughout my lunch break, which is 15 minutes long. Isn’t this OK? It is incidental to the job. I don’t have to do any work when I’m at lunch.

A: No, it is not OK to surf the Internet during your break because that would not be a minimal use. Using the Internet for a personal use (or talking on the phone for a personal reason or sending personal emails) for 15 minutes is too long to be a minimal amount of time. In this case, it doesn’t matter if the use would be incidental or non-disruptive, because it does not meet the minimal use test.

The general rule of thumb is that if you spend five minutes or more on a personal email, personal phone call or personal Internet use, you have used it too long. Your use may no longer pass the minimal use test.

Remember also that personal use can be minimal, but it would still be prohibited if it didn’t pass the other two tests: it must also be incidental to the job and non-disruptive. You may have just started a personal telephone call, but if a co-worker or customer needs something, or a call comes in, you must leave your personal call and take care of those matters immediately. If you do not, your use will not be incidental to the job and may also be disruptive. An employee whose personal use of the Internet, telephones, or email does not pass all three tests for acceptable use is subject to disciplinary action, including immediate termination from employment.

Q: I work on the phones. During the time in between calls, I like to email my friends back and forth. I don’t see what is wrong with this because I don’t have anything else to be doing and nobody can hear me, so it isn’t disruptive. Can I continue to use my email this way?

A: Emailing your friends throughout the day while waiting for phone calls to come in would not meet the minimal use test. This would be true if you surfed the Internet at these times or if you made personal calls at this time.

family photo

The 80s were awesome.

It's that time of year again...

Click here if you would like to support me in the Hill Country Ride for AIDS. Thanks!

ridiculous

Recently seen in an email from upper management:
"It has been determined by xxx that unauthorized appliances in the work area create safety hazards and energy usage concerns...a long list of appliances are deemed "unauthorized" including space heaters, toasters, refrigerators, microwave ovens, coffee pots, fans and other such items. Any such appliance should be removed..."
So we can no longer have our coffee pots, however TVs at your desk are apparently acceptable. WTF???
Also, it has come to my attention that our security department has turned on "websense" to monitor our web usage. They are allegedly planning to run reports to show how much time we spend on the web and which sites we visit and send those reports to our management. They have already blocked "personal network storage sites" which means I cannot access sites like flickr and I can't see the photos on Go Fug Yourself. I'm sure it's only a matter of time before they block our internet access all together. One of the reasons I work in a lower paying state job is the laid back work environment, including being able to email my friends and family during the downtime at work (of which there is plenty.) If they take that away I might as well go take more money to work in the private sector. If my job performance were being compromised by my web surfing then I might understand this, but I continue to be the highest performer on my team with statistics that border on ludicrous. I triple-dog-dare them to confront me with a report of my web-surfing, I will be right back in their face with the reports of my stats.

too funny

love the fug girls