bah, pumpkin!

Tonight was a rather pathetic Halloween. One of my gal-pals came over to help me hand out candy to the cutie little kids in costumes because she doesn't get trick-or-treaters at her house (too many crack whores, for reals!) She was even sweet enough to bring a pumpkin because I didn't get one this year. The VERY FIRST group of kids was a pack of hoodlums that were way too old to be out begging for candy and besides, they didn't even have on costumes! Of course I felt it necessary to bring this to their attention by saying, "Aren't you a little old to be trick-or-treating? And besides, where are your costumes?" Probably not the smartest time to be sassy but I certainly wasn't expecting a 14-year-old boy to respond with, "We could party with you!" to which his friend added, "Yeah, let's get drunk!" Sheesh, what the fack? I stupidly put candy in each and every one of those punks' lame-ass plastic grocery bags before realizing they had smashed our pumpkin and broken one of my neighbor's skull decorations in my yard. My friend and I could hear them causing a ruckus all the way around the corner so we went outside to call the cops. We ran into three of my neighbors out in the street, all of whom had been accosted and even threatened by those idiots; the cops never showed up but I'm hoping they caught up with the future felons before they ruined some kid's fun. I spent the rest of the evening worrying about my cats because I had stupidly let them go outside; thankfully all five of my kiddos are now inside, safe and sound. This is my ninth Halloween in this house and the first time I have ever gotten any tricks and I even gave those little bastards awesome Willy Wonka candy treats! No more Ms Nice Halloween lady, they're getting crappy generic candy from the Dollar General from now on!

oh no, diggery don't...

...otherwise known as one of the many disasters I have encountered in my hunt for a tenant. Finding someone to pay me rent AND share my home space presents an interesting set of challenges. Most people seem to think that because they are paying rent they have 50% say in what goes on in the house. They are wrong.

Dear Tenant: this is my home, my mortage payment and my stuff. You are not sharing a place with me, you are renting a room in my house and the use of my belongings.

This week I had a most surreal experience with a potential tenant. Let's just say that it's highly likely he practices body choir. What? You're not familiar with body choir you say? Well let me be the first to introduce you: http://www.bodychoir.org/austin_home.asp
Also, it turns out the name he gave me is not his birth name...it was bestowed upon him in a vision quest. This man does not have a job and is expecting to make a living off his first album; an album filled with music intended to inspire people to dance and connect them with their soul. Last but not least, he is on a "magickal journey" to find his life partner. Yes my friends, he used the words "magickal journey." As my best friend said so eloquently, I don't want him in my house when he finds her.
It's a good thing there are plenty of other homeless people in this town looking for a crash pad.

scary feet

One of my best friends got married recently and as part of the preparation she decided to take me and two other gals to the local Wal-Mart nail salon to get manicures and pedicures. I had no idea a gal could get her nails done at Wal-Mart and something about the idea really frightened me! But being the good sport that I am I arrived up at the "Regal Nails" ready to pick out my perfect shade of OPI lacquer. The first red flag for me occurred while I was sitting in the Throne, I noticed that my nail tech did not clean her implements between my friend's pedicure and mine. My crazy mind started to run rampant and I began imagining how many cuticles she may have clipped with the very same dirty clippers she was currently using ON MY TOES!!! *sigh*
Things really went south while the four of us were drying our nails. A gentleman came in who was using a walker and his feet were so swollen he was wearing socks and expandable sandals. I immediately shuddered to think about what his feet must look like under those socks. I didn't have to wonder for long because he hopped up on his own throne and the tech started working away on the scariest pair of feet I have seen in my life. I began to wonder if those dirty tools that the tech had used on my feet could have come near a set of feet like the ones I was watching with horror.
The four of became so rowdy at the idea that we ended up getting kicked out of the salon...or maybe it's because we were taking pictures to be sure we preserved the horror for all eternity.

You know you have arrived in life when you get bounced from a Wal-Mart nail salon.

my creations

Here are some photos of the jewelry that my sister and I make for our business Les Femme Fatales...if you like what you see you can find it at the downtown location of Whole Foods Market in Austin, TX

stop the crazy train, I'm ready to get off!

Wow, I can't believe I haven't posted since August 31, I guess I've been a little scared to blog about what's been going on with me. I walked out of my job September 6th and have been through quite a personal odyssey over the past month and a half. Let's just say that a "medication holiday" is not the answer for me and lesson learned. Let's also just say that I now know that while I am not willing to choose money over happiness, I am willing to factor in great benefits as an important element of my peace of mind and therefore my overall happiness. There is a lot to be said for fully paid insurance, sick and vacation time!!! I have a lot of blogging to do to make up for lost time, so keep checking back for updates...