bah, pumpkin!

Tonight was a rather pathetic Halloween. One of my gal-pals came over to help me hand out candy to the cutie little kids in costumes because she doesn't get trick-or-treaters at her house (too many crack whores, for reals!) She was even sweet enough to bring a pumpkin because I didn't get one this year. The VERY FIRST group of kids was a pack of hoodlums that were way too old to be out begging for candy and besides, they didn't even have on costumes! Of course I felt it necessary to bring this to their attention by saying, "Aren't you a little old to be trick-or-treating? And besides, where are your costumes?" Probably not the smartest time to be sassy but I certainly wasn't expecting a 14-year-old boy to respond with, "We could party with you!" to which his friend added, "Yeah, let's get drunk!" Sheesh, what the fack? I stupidly put candy in each and every one of those punks' lame-ass plastic grocery bags before realizing they had smashed our pumpkin and broken one of my neighbor's skull decorations in my yard. My friend and I could hear them causing a ruckus all the way around the corner so we went outside to call the cops. We ran into three of my neighbors out in the street, all of whom had been accosted and even threatened by those idiots; the cops never showed up but I'm hoping they caught up with the future felons before they ruined some kid's fun. I spent the rest of the evening worrying about my cats because I had stupidly let them go outside; thankfully all five of my kiddos are now inside, safe and sound. This is my ninth Halloween in this house and the first time I have ever gotten any tricks and I even gave those little bastards awesome Willy Wonka candy treats! No more Ms Nice Halloween lady, they're getting crappy generic candy from the Dollar General from now on!