bah, pumpkin!

Tonight was a rather pathetic Halloween. One of my gal-pals came over to help me hand out candy to the cutie little kids in costumes because she doesn't get trick-or-treaters at her house (too many crack whores, for reals!) She was even sweet enough to bring a pumpkin because I didn't get one this year. The VERY FIRST group of kids was a pack of hoodlums that were way too old to be out begging for candy and besides, they didn't even have on costumes! Of course I felt it necessary to bring this to their attention by saying, "Aren't you a little old to be trick-or-treating? And besides, where are your costumes?" Probably not the smartest time to be sassy but I certainly wasn't expecting a 14-year-old boy to respond with, "We could party with you!" to which his friend added, "Yeah, let's get drunk!" Sheesh, what the fack? I stupidly put candy in each and every one of those punks' lame-ass plastic grocery bags before realizing they had smashed our pumpkin and broken one of my neighbor's skull decorations in my yard. My friend and I could hear them causing a ruckus all the way around the corner so we went outside to call the cops. We ran into three of my neighbors out in the street, all of whom had been accosted and even threatened by those idiots; the cops never showed up but I'm hoping they caught up with the future felons before they ruined some kid's fun. I spent the rest of the evening worrying about my cats because I had stupidly let them go outside; thankfully all five of my kiddos are now inside, safe and sound. This is my ninth Halloween in this house and the first time I have ever gotten any tricks and I even gave those little bastards awesome Willy Wonka candy treats! No more Ms Nice Halloween lady, they're getting crappy generic candy from the Dollar General from now on!

oh no, diggery don't...

...otherwise known as one of the many disasters I have encountered in my hunt for a tenant. Finding someone to pay me rent AND share my home space presents an interesting set of challenges. Most people seem to think that because they are paying rent they have 50% say in what goes on in the house. They are wrong.

Dear Tenant: this is my home, my mortage payment and my stuff. You are not sharing a place with me, you are renting a room in my house and the use of my belongings.

This week I had a most surreal experience with a potential tenant. Let's just say that it's highly likely he practices body choir. What? You're not familiar with body choir you say? Well let me be the first to introduce you: http://www.bodychoir.org/austin_home.asp
Also, it turns out the name he gave me is not his birth name...it was bestowed upon him in a vision quest. This man does not have a job and is expecting to make a living off his first album; an album filled with music intended to inspire people to dance and connect them with their soul. Last but not least, he is on a "magickal journey" to find his life partner. Yes my friends, he used the words "magickal journey." As my best friend said so eloquently, I don't want him in my house when he finds her.
It's a good thing there are plenty of other homeless people in this town looking for a crash pad.

scary feet

One of my best friends got married recently and as part of the preparation she decided to take me and two other gals to the local Wal-Mart nail salon to get manicures and pedicures. I had no idea a gal could get her nails done at Wal-Mart and something about the idea really frightened me! But being the good sport that I am I arrived up at the "Regal Nails" ready to pick out my perfect shade of OPI lacquer. The first red flag for me occurred while I was sitting in the Throne, I noticed that my nail tech did not clean her implements between my friend's pedicure and mine. My crazy mind started to run rampant and I began imagining how many cuticles she may have clipped with the very same dirty clippers she was currently using ON MY TOES!!! *sigh*
Things really went south while the four of us were drying our nails. A gentleman came in who was using a walker and his feet were so swollen he was wearing socks and expandable sandals. I immediately shuddered to think about what his feet must look like under those socks. I didn't have to wonder for long because he hopped up on his own throne and the tech started working away on the scariest pair of feet I have seen in my life. I began to wonder if those dirty tools that the tech had used on my feet could have come near a set of feet like the ones I was watching with horror.
The four of became so rowdy at the idea that we ended up getting kicked out of the salon...or maybe it's because we were taking pictures to be sure we preserved the horror for all eternity.

You know you have arrived in life when you get bounced from a Wal-Mart nail salon.

my creations

Here are some photos of the jewelry that my sister and I make for our business Les Femme Fatales...if you like what you see you can find it at the downtown location of Whole Foods Market in Austin, TX

stop the crazy train, I'm ready to get off!

Wow, I can't believe I haven't posted since August 31, I guess I've been a little scared to blog about what's been going on with me. I walked out of my job September 6th and have been through quite a personal odyssey over the past month and a half. Let's just say that a "medication holiday" is not the answer for me and lesson learned. Let's also just say that I now know that while I am not willing to choose money over happiness, I am willing to factor in great benefits as an important element of my peace of mind and therefore my overall happiness. There is a lot to be said for fully paid insurance, sick and vacation time!!! I have a lot of blogging to do to make up for lost time, so keep checking back for updates...

more change

As I've mentioned before I don't do change well. Today I have to accept a big change in my life, one of my best friends is moving to NYC to be with her boyfriend. I am super sad about it and yesterday I cried my eyes out off and on all day long. I know I have some growing to do because in a weird way it feels like getting dumped. I am afraid of so many things; in this case I am afraid she and I won't stay in touch and I will lose a friend I dearly love. As usual, it's all about me.

lots more responses...

I cannot believe how many men have responded to my sugar daddy ad, it's mildly shocking!

sugar daddy

Y'all are going to love this. Just for fun I posted an ad for a sugar daddy to see what sort of responses I would get, I get a sick pleasure out of that kind of thing. I figured I would post the better responses here for your reading enjoyment. As you wait, undoubtedly heady with anticipation, check out this site to find your own sugar daddy (or baby, if that's more your style): Who knew?

To read the responses click on the Sugar Daddies link to your left.

my heroine

Although I am a little embarrassed to admit it, NCIS is one of my favorite shows. If I could be anyone when I grow up it would be Abby Sciuto. She is equal parts weird, smart and respected for being really good at what she does. Most of all she seems to LOVE what she does! Of course, it is just a sill tv show. My other favorite show is CSI: Miami. Not only is it hip, slick and cool but it has an awesome soundtrack.

how to get under my skin

In the tradition of Dooce, I thought I would start a "how to annoy me" list:
1) Ask me if "we" are having fun yet. I can't speak for you but if you have to ask me that question there's a 99.99% chance that the answer is a resounding NO!
2) Pass me in the hall and say, "SMILE, it can't be that bad!" How do you know motherf*cker? It may actually be worse.
3) Talk to me while we are in neighboring bathroom stalls. Hell, talk to me in the bathroom at all; it's NOT the employee lounge.
4) Ask me for a sip of my drink; unless you are a blood relative or we are otherwise swapping bodily fluids.
5) Tell me I look tired. Have you not noticed that those dark circles under my eyes are a permanent affliction? I ALWAYS LOOK TIRED!
6) Suggest you might know a better way for me to keep my house clean. Unless you too live with three long-haired dogs and two cats don't even THINK about going there.
7) Argue with me about the validity of vegetarianism. Do not try to convince me I'm murdering vegetables and they might have feelings too. Look dumbass: no nervous system = no feelings.
8) Talk to my rack. What, you think I don't notice? Besides, they're not going to talk back so give it up.
9) Forward me urban legends that have been circulating for years. It's called Snopes, look into it.
10) Speak of yourself in the third person. Just don't.

playing grown up

I have to do something that is very scary for me but must be done if I am going to be true to myself. It has the potential to have a negative effect on my finances but I am (almost) willing to take that risk if it means having more serenity. It also may mean letting some people down and causing others to raise their eyebrows. Logically I know that is ok because they don't live my life and at the end of the day I am the only person who has to fall asleep withmy brain. However, on an emotional level it makes me feel frightened and unsure of myself.
My mom has told me how, when I was a kid in public kindergarten, every day I would come home crying about how bored I was. Eventually I was moved into first grade but that's a story for another day. The bottom line is, I feel like that five year old again, crying nearly every day and on the verge of a meltdown. Now it's not just boredom but also loneliness, frustration and confusion topped off with a healthy serving of incompetence.

But the boredom gets me every time.

oh joy

I woke up this morning with a really stiff neck and my first thought was, "uh-oh, it must be spinal meningitis!" Then I got up to investigate why my cat was making such a ruckus in the hall, only to find him staring at a partially mutilated gecko. He looked disappointed that his toy had become unresponsive. Disgusting. A little later I went in the bathroom to get ready and the first thing my foot landed on was the gecko's lost tail. What a great way to start another week of mundanity.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I didn't post over the weekend because I decided to spend more time with my friends and family than my computer. It was way more rewarding but damn I got behind on my emails. Over the course of the weekend my car died for the second time this month. I really wish the Breaking Things would limit themselves to one a month for my sanity's sake.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I decided to get involved with my neighborhood association in an attempt to do something about the impending development behind my house. Several folks are meeting at my house this evening to walk back there and check it out. It feels good to be involved, I figure I can't complain about it if I'm not doing anything abou it. I hope we can make a difference!

lonely

I wish I could talk about work here but I can't. I just wanted to say that, thank you and good evening.

ambiguity, part deux; or the importance of feeling useful

I used to think I was a self-starter, I have recently discovered that maybe I was wrong. Not that I want to be micro-managed (does anyone actually like to be micro-managed?) because I definitely do not want someone up in my business all the time. I do however thrive when I have a clear cut set of goals, expectations and duties. Apparently I need a sort of measuring stick against which to judge the quality of my work. Otherwise I grow bored and begin to languish.
I used to have a month's worth of outfits that matched, I used to have cute shoes, once I had a nice car. I let all that go and now I just want to have purpose.

except I have fun on rollercoasters

"Mood swings can quickly go from low to high and back again, and occur over periods of a few days and sometimes even hours. The person feels like he or she is on a roller coaster, with mood and energy changes that are out-of control and disabling."

I think my hair may be falling out. It's a small price to pay for getting a med cocktail that works. Besides, in the past seven months I've gotten to enjoy (in no particular order): nausea, loss of appetite, trouble sleeping, severe night sweats, unusual drowsiness, swollen lymph nodes, blurred vision, loss of memory, decrease in sexual desire, painful urination, change in sense of taste, a [potentially fatal] rash, akathisia, dizziness, impulsivity, anxiety, constipation and my personal favorite: hallucination. I don't really have extra hair to spare but I think wigs look better on me than crazy does.

ambiguity

Here is a link to my official job description. Let me know if you figure out what I'm supposed to be doing.

Look it's a doggie oreo!

Also known as "yes, I do walk all three by myself."

the view

Here are some photos of the view I get to enjoy every day on my way home from work. The view that is being threatened by the construction of new condos for rich people. I was not aware of a housing shortage here in Austin.

The really green part on the left at the dead end is my back yard.

every day is a crap shoot

Despite my surrender to the siren song of coconut cream pie last night, I woke up in a fairly good mood this morning. I was having intense dreams about rearranging furniture, I wonder what that means? Perhaps it is because I am once again considering the idea of getting a roommate and I have been thinking a lot about how can I possibly make room for her. It's amazing how quickly one person can take over and fill up a three bedroom house. Granted, my house is smaller than some one bedroom apartments and apparently the walk-in closet had not yet been discovered in the 1960s. My four tiny closets are probably equal to the walk-in closet from my 1970s childhood bedroom. Nevertheless, over the past 9+ years there have been stretches of time that I managed to live with two other roommates fairly comfortably. How did I accumulate so much stuff? I am a tidy packrat.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I recently learned that the city has approved a development of 60+ "luxury condominiums" to be built within 300 feet of my property line. I don't handle change well anyway but this news upsets me for two main reason: 1) access to the development will mean opening up the dead-end street that runs behind my house resulting in new traffic and 2) they will be clearing out a large area of trees that is currently untouched and beautiful, one of my favorite parts of my drive home. That makes me feel very, very sad. Helpless and sad.

passion

I recently read an article about Susan Sarandon's secrets to inner beauty, she said "Anything that makes you feel passionate and makes you laugh helps you to stay young." The article said her passions are world peace and other global issues. If I think too hard about world peace and other global issues I start to feel very sad; I certainly don't feel much like laughing. I do understand the importance of finding passion in my life, my dilemma is how does one go about finding that passion if it is not innate? I desire to be really good at something, even if it is just one thing. As it happens, my current occupation is not that one thing. I'm terrified of waking up one day to discover I've spent 25 years in a passionless occupation and in the process forgot to seek out my passion elsewhere.