I have to do something that is very scary for me but must be done if I am going to be true to myself. It has the potential to have a negative effect on my finances but I am (almost) willing to take that risk if it means having more serenity. It also may mean letting some people down and causing others to raise their eyebrows. Logically I know that is ok because they don't live my life and at the end of the day I am the only person who has to fall asleep withmy brain. However, on an emotional level it makes me feel frightened and unsure of myself.
My mom has told me how, when I was a kid in public kindergarten, every day I would come home crying about how bored I was. Eventually I was moved into first grade but that's a story for another day. The bottom line is, I feel like that five year old again, crying nearly every day and on the verge of a meltdown. Now it's not just boredom but also loneliness, frustration and confusion topped off with a healthy serving of incompetence.
But the boredom gets me every time.
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