When I wake up drenched in sweat and on the verge of an anxiety attack I know I'm in trouble. Before I even open my eyes I'm worrying about how I'm going to pay my bills next month. What am I going to do about my career? Why didn't that guy call me back? What will I do when my dogs die? What if my house falls apart? When will I mow my yard? Will anything be fun for me again?
So I start making my bed up around me and the prayers begin. Please remove my fears. Please redirect my obsessive thoughts. Please help me trust that everything will turn out ok. Please help me stay in the present. I am allowing my life to slip through my fingers while I ardently nurse irrational fears about my future. I haven't even gotten out of my bed yet.
The dogs wake up and rally around me, my three spots of joy, my reason for getting out of bed. I thank the universe for my dogs.
My feet hit the floor and the masquerade begins, the one where I act as if I am a functioning member of society. Feed dogs, drink coffee, take shower, get dressed, drive to work, say hi to coworkers, smile and pretend that I understand what is going on around me.
Laugh or the weeping will never stop.
No comments:
Post a Comment