In August I posted this: "I met a man, in a most coincidental way, whom I feel is my mindmeldsoulbrother but for reasons completely beyond my control he is absolutely unavailable to me." That man is still a part of my life (my sick choice) and when we make contact via email I inevitably end up feeling completely nauseated. Today was one of those days, partly because his absolute unavailability was right up in my face yet again. It's just one more addiction in the long list that I am afflicted with. I've learned it takes a phenomenal amount of personal pain for me to stop doing things that are unhealthy for me. I hear it's the Nature of the Disease Beast.
On a completely different note, I had dinner with a lovely man last night. We are not dating but we really enjoy each other's company. After dinner he came over and walked my dogs with me; it doesn't get much sweeter than that in my humble opinion. In person there is zero chemistry but I feel we are a perfect match on paper. One of my closest friends disagrees, she thinks that if he were my boyfriend he would drive me completely b-a-n-a-n-a-s in three weeks flat. When I asked her why she mumbled something about me needing a boyfriend with a steady job. Fair enough. However, I'm completely terrified that I'm just one of "those girls" that nice guys always complain about. You know the kind of girl that only dates jerks? About half of me believes that chemistry can grow over time once trust and compatibility are established and the other half believes that if it's not there it ain't ever gonna be there. And then a tiny part of me doesn't give a shit, she just wants a super hot boy toy. I have to tell her to be quiet...a lot.
1 comment:
I know what you mean about wanting a hot boy toy, but that ends up being less satisfying that it seems for me. Sometimes I get discouraged because I think my standards have gotten too high and there are no men who will ever meet them.
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