how to get under my skin

In the tradition of Dooce, I thought I would start a "how to annoy me" list:
1) Ask me if "we" are having fun yet. I can't speak for you but if you have to ask me that question there's a 99.99% chance that the answer is a resounding NO!
2) Pass me in the hall and say, "SMILE, it can't be that bad!" How do you know motherf*cker? It may actually be worse.
3) Talk to me while we are in neighboring bathroom stalls. Hell, talk to me in the bathroom at all; it's NOT the employee lounge.
4) Ask me for a sip of my drink; unless you are a blood relative or we are otherwise swapping bodily fluids.
5) Tell me I look tired. Have you not noticed that those dark circles under my eyes are a permanent affliction? I ALWAYS LOOK TIRED!
6) Suggest you might know a better way for me to keep my house clean. Unless you too live with three long-haired dogs and two cats don't even THINK about going there.
7) Argue with me about the validity of vegetarianism. Do not try to convince me I'm murdering vegetables and they might have feelings too. Look dumbass: no nervous system = no feelings.
8) Talk to my rack. What, you think I don't notice? Besides, they're not going to talk back so give it up.
9) Forward me urban legends that have been circulating for years. It's called Snopes, look into it.
10) Speak of yourself in the third person. Just don't.